Tutu Kueh/ Kuih Tutu/Kueh Tutu.

Whatever you way you spell it; the image of the white steamed flour thing with peanut n' sugar filling on pandan leaves comes to my mind. Yesterday evening, my appetite was real bad, not the usual me. I walked several rounds in the foodcourt, went along those food stalls along Pasir Ris Mrt, walked again near the sides of Whitesands. Then I smelled Tutu Kueh! (: 5 for $2.50. Since I hate coconut, thus I told the old lady who was making the tutu kueh that I only wanted peanut filling. Well, it was such a joy looking at her fill the flour, filling flour then put it to steam. I also wanted to try! Ok, I must learn how to make Tutu Kueh.

On a lighter note, the 'kueh' word makes me feel so auntyyyy. :s

Enough of my food. Before my blog turns into a food junkie website.

The above picture was taken @ Resorts World Sentosa on 25th Dec 2010.

I remebered clearly, that I spent Christmas with Bbyboy @ Universal Studio.

Cut the details short. Anyway, I've got a motive for updating this personal space of mine.

I need a space, to rant! Ok, bear with me.

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Well, it's still vivid in my mind. That afternoon was a bright sunny one. I was with one of my girlfriends, sitting outside Petal Macs, studying. But, I couldn't concentrate on my books. I could feel my heart jumping out, the heat up to the cheeks, butterflies in my stomach and what not. I waited impatiently, still I saw a familar face in the distant. I sensed your presence immediately, I dare not look up, yet I already caught sight of you. What a cute guy, you were in the blue-black checkered top, hands on your backpack strap, like any primary school kid. You walked pass me, greeting me with a smile when you acknowledged my presence. All I did, was to return a smile shyly.... It never occured to me that you would date me out with books. (to study)

I had my iPod with me, twirled my earpiece round my fingers. I could feel my cheeks burning as my friend kept talking bout' you. 'Wah, you know that guy?' I wanted to shut her up so badly, haha. But I didn't. Cut the details short, after my friend left, it was just me and you, sitting opposite each other in Macdonalds, by the window pane. You looked down at your book, I looked down on mine. Several times, I sneakily looked up, I couldn't keep my eyes away from you. Cut the details again. We begin to have little conversations.... Cut the details... You stretched your arm towards me, wanting to take my hand in yours. I wouldn't let you. You insisted. I still rejected. In my heart, I really wanted to know what it felt to hold onto your hands, I kept staring at your arms, your hands, your fingers, the radiant fair tone skin you had, such a rare find in guys. But I had to keep my hands away from you.

Cut the details..... When I went home, you walked me to the bus-stop. Before we crossed the streets to get over, you asked me to hold your hands to cross road. I still rejected you. We waited... And waited... Then you wanted me to make a phonecall, you were interested in the details. You leaned in closer onto me, led yourself up the railing, put your arms around me. I could feel you, so near..... I could feel your heartbeat, so fast. I could feel your warmth..... You then lifted them away from me. I could still feel your heat on my back.

Ok, the end....

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha! So abrupt. I don't want to continue...

Anyway, I typed this, because..

Lately... I've been so bothered, I've been so emotional bout' it. Yet, I disguised myself so well, you wouldn't notice a thing.

Till last night, I should wiped my tears dry. I shouldn't have let you seen it.

Everytime you said, 'Baby don't betray me.' I feel so furious. You repeated that sentence daily.

In addition, you suspected me. But I felt that maybe I was so busy with projects, then you felt neglected...

Well, actually it was a sign. Because you felt you did me wrong, because you felt you broke your promise.

Because you knew truly that I would hurt if I ever knew. Because you were scared I'd do the same...

I never believed in your empty words and promises... Not anymore. I don't want to let my heart give your another chance again.

Because each time you make a promise, you break it. Too bad, besides you made the promise willingly. You said it yourself.

To think I believed you, to think I trusted you. To think you really wouldn't. You had me fooled. Really.

Yes, I truly understand you did nothing that was betrayal. The one thing you should understand instead is, you broke a promise.

I don't know why, I rather hide my emotions, wait till I'm home then I start pouring my heart out...

Because, I want us happy. I don't want us to fight.

See, the link to the above I typed when I met you at Petal Macs for our first study date.

You told me, you only text because of your projects. See, studies yeah? The same thing when you asked me out to study. You wanted me to teach you Social Studies. I really want to burn the fucking Accounting textbook you borrowed from the bitch. Fucking hell. I'm mad furious. I don't wish to explain further. Your heart knows it all. You can feel it, I know you can.