Lazy to rotate image, please turn your heads instead.

See, this is us @ Henderson Wave on 20th or 21st I can't remember.

He never even hug/ put his arms around me when taking pict. Wlauuuuuu. )': I kept whining bout it everytime I took out the Polaroid shot. Whatever.

I know my legs damn fat ok, stfu.

--

The more you love, the more you lose a part of you, yet you do not become less of who you are, but you end up complete. -- But, sometimes I'm completely losing myself, yes, and I mean, not even ending up complete. Sigh. 你明知我爱你; DOUBLE.U-HEDGE-WAI (WHY) What am I becoming? Invasion of privacy, control too much, and etc. Yes, I admit I'm possessive. And you are too. For this one year we've gone through, I swear by times you hurt me, were really torturing. And out of this 379 days, I think for less than 10 days were the only times you "cheated" or "betrayed" me. Just now, you were even asking me to allow to be communicating with girls, close an eye, I really cannot do this. Why won't you just put me in your own shoes, feel how I'd feel, don't just tell me, use your heart to feel. I can't believe it's nothing to you. Really. And over and over again, you did the same... Ok, for now all is fine.

I really feel like talking to someone bout' this. Like a real grown up. My mother, maybe. But I don't know how to approach her, and I bet she wouldn't understand. When I told her I didn't allow him to go chill out at pubs/clubs, she said, if you don't allow him now, next time he will... Same for now, if I restrict you now, next time you'll definitely will... ):

Lotsa negative thoughts. I'm always thinking bout' what the future holds for us. Just you and me. Marriage plans, put that aside. We haven't even been through half a decade. Although I would really want you to be the only man I'd love, the only man I want to bear kids and start a family with, settle down in comfort but what lies ahead of us, is definitely unpredictable. I'm lost in you.

Poured out all my emotions. Told him how I felt. My fears. Every night. Why isit that our brains work so much before we go to bed? I h8 it, seriously. I always think so deep before I sleep, maybe that's when I'm really sober. I get all emotional, so insecure, crying myself to sleep. I'm so fearful. You get so irritated easily now, you cannot consume your anger sometimes, your body language and the tone used, changed. No comparison made. Y'know, sometimes I really control myself and when I do, I think I'm acting kind of stupid, cause it makes things even worse. But, it's only cause I'm afraid you'd get annoyed, thus I try not to be a weirdo. You can really do this much damage to me, so tell me now you're that powerful and capable to break me cause I swear by this.

Thought about this. It's time I learn to accept and face reality, that in time to come, things will change, just as how people do change. In fact, everyone will. All I'm asking for, is to resume your norm, not talking/texting/msn/Facebook any girl. You have been doing this for the whole year you've been with me, except like on 3 or 4 occassions you actually did. Ok, I know that you cannot do this for long. But... Just not for now ok. Maybe another year... or 2 years. I don't know. I just feel we aren't as stable and steady as we think. We may be near perfection, but sometimes things don't work out the way you want it to.

Sigh. Trembling. Nothing, but your skin. The way you hugged me so tightly and cried...

I love you, Hun. I love you.

Beggin' you please, I want you, a faithful lover. Ever faithful.

xoxo

On a lighter note, I'm not some yadayada emo kiddo tryna' blog bout' her bad romance; just need a space to rant, a space where no judgement is made...

Gud'n9t evryone.