I realized I've been neglecting this space for quite some time now.
Some/close friends would have known or if you follow me on Twitter. @thornzonroses
Yes, it's sad to know, sad to even be typing bout this, but I've closed the best chapter of my life, I've lost the love of my life.
11.11.09 to 25.11.09 - those were my best 1111 days throughout my 19 years of life.
November used to be my favourite month, cause it's my birthday month, and "anniversary" with M. (7th and 11th)
However not for this year, M didn't spend my 19th birthday with me on the 7th, thou he made up for it, 11th meant nothing to us anymore cause we were too close for comfort, 14th my precious gem passed away, R.I.P Kiki - I miss my Chihuahua, 25th marks the end of our 1111 days together.
However not for this year, M didn't spend my 19th birthday with me on the 7th, thou he made up for it, 11th meant nothing to us anymore cause we were too close for comfort, 14th my precious gem passed away, R.I.P Kiki - I miss my Chihuahua, 25th marks the end of our 1111 days together.
3 years with M didn't come easy, we both fought hard for each other.
However, along the way, we came to realize, we fixed till we were broken for good.
Honestly, I am happy for M right now cause he's in love with someone else and he seems happier than before. I see it in his eyes, his smiles, his laughter, the way he describes her.
I've never thought that the guy I love so much, could ever do so much for a girl.
Unfortunately, the girl wasn't me.
I wish them both the best.
Having lost M, I have started, I learnt to love myself more.
Yes, indeed, no one will deny, even I, myself started to realize that I love M way more than I love myself, and maybe it's because of such love, I started losing myself along the way, and he no longer feel that I'm the same anymore. Sometimes, too much of love may be toxic. Learn to let go, a lil.
The countless times we quarreled over the littlest thing, despite the countless times he walked out on me, then I started to walk away from us, nothing seemed to work out. Our relationship started to sink, it was really unhealthy. We couldn't communicate, cause we just couldn't speak our minds/hearts out to each other. I was often scared, afraid of losing him, in the process, I lost myself, my self-worth and it caused me a heavy price to pay.
I'm glad, that I've learnt from our relationship, and I'd say I never once regretted being with M.
Been taking a walk down memory lane, reminiscing the past, in a bid to pick up what I couldn't see before. I've begin to realize that I see things from a different angle now.
3 years isn't easy to let go, the good and bad times we spent together, the many obstacles we were faced with, the countless breakups due to conflicts, the nights we spent in each other's embrace, every single moment, I cherish, I yearn for it once again. But no, I will never allow myself to hurt the one I love again.
I miss the place where I once used to call my second home, I miss his family, his relatives, I miss his Mom & Grandma to be exact. Their unconditional love and care, they were very dear to me.
"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything & make your optism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best & expect the best. Forget the mistakes of the past & press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you!"
Sorry, that I loved you. M
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